Saturday, February 10, 2007 @ 7:45 am
Heart of Stone?Today, one of my cousins called. Realised how much I'm going to miss them during Chinese New Year because every new year for a whole week every night, I only see them.
We gamble and hang around till very late in either one of the houses. We'll play till we take out practically all our ang pau money to place on the table. There's always one who wins the most and one who loses a lot but well the money is still in the family right...
Thinking of them, I remembered something my cousin brother asked me to try one day.
1. Think as hard as you can, and then list your ten closest friends, dearest to your heart from you were born until now.
2. Keep the ten in your mind, now think when was the last time you spoke to each one of them, the last time you called them out for a drink, the last time you saw them and the last time you showed them that you cared.
3. Now of all the ten people that you listed, take away one, just ONE that you can bear to never see again in your whole life, never to talk to or even to meet by coincidence.
4. After that, take another friend off the list, one that you will never ever see again or talk on the phone, just gone out of your life.
5. Can you bear it?
At the time, I did this, my mind was clear. It was set. I threw away one person off the list without a thought in my head. With no regrets. I did not care, I told him that my heart was made of stone so I did this without shedding a tear for the friend that I would never ever have contact with again.
Now, I wonder if I really would be able to bear it if the person was truly gone. If I were never to meet, never to exchange a friendly word. Whether my heart was truly hardened towards the person. Mostly, if I were to do this again if I would choose the same person, and if I did would I shed a tear this time.
Can you imagine, someone truly gone, disappeared. You'll never see them again. Never in your entire lifetime.
The purpose of this test is not to make you sad or to make you cry. Its plainly just for you to realise how certain people mean so much to you over the years. Sometimes, one of you has to be bold enough to take the first step.
The realisation sometimes will sink in a little later but I know that the realisation will happen, come sooner or later.
To my friends, I always care even though I suck at showing it.
To my cousins, I miss you guys, and have a good chinese new year. (Weng Yi Ko, collect my ang paus but please don't collect the money in it for yourself as well)
Thanks Weng Yi Ko, for the call and for this, my realisation.
- 'Dedicated to those who care enough to venture forward and take the first step' -
